Remember who you are without the weight
Somatic breathwork for people who live in their heads.
The kind of exhaustion no amount of sleep could fix. You're up at 4 a.m. (who needs an alarm?) – most likely because you have to be. The double shift. The deadlines. The early school run. The stress of it all. Sometimes you don't even know why anymore.
That right shoulder of yours? That knot has been there for so long you no longer notice the pain. Shout-out to all those unthinking, rotating necks. The half smiles. The nose-laughs. Barely holding up enough small talk to keep up appearances.
You're not alone in this. More of us are carrying it than we let on. That's why I created Stillwater State.
If you're reading this page, I imagine you know exactly what that feels like. I lived it for a very long time.
The yellow Sharpie.
Eventually, I made a deliberate choice to step back. I knew something had to change long before I was ready to admit it. I kept going anyway. Because that's what I always did.
Remember the scene in Forrest Gump when he's running across the country, and he stops? Turns around and says, "I'm pretty tired. I think I'll go home now." That's what my body did. It made the decision before my mind caught up.
When I stopped, the exhaustion came in like a wall. You can't sleep off decades of that. But you can start (I gave it my high-performing 150%!). And when the noise finally quieted, all I could hear was my breath. It was a winter retreat that showed me what my body is capable of when the noise drops. That's what pointed me toward breath. That's where this story begins.
I stopped.
Both eyes sweated.
I'd practiced yoga for nearly twenty years and received my teacher certification in 2007: Pranayama, Ujjayi breath, hot hatha yoga. I understood breath as a tool for steadiness and focus. But I'd never understood what breath could do with real intention and skilled facilitation behind it.
I signed up for Conscious Connected Breathwork facilitator training after one class. I didn't have a plan, just curiosity. Remember I told you I laid down the armour and my mind drew a blank? That worked in my favour because my body started to take over the steering wheel and parked my mind at the curb.
On night one of training, I told my group, "I don't really cry. But I'll do my best to be present." After the first session, during our share, I admitted that one eye had sweated. I use humour to be vulnerable. We'll go with that.
After session two, both eyes sweated. I felt something dark sitting in my chest and throat – energy that wanted to come out but couldn't quite get there. Can you guess what I shared with the group? "I'm not doing it right". And then I stopped mid-sentence said, "Or maybe I could look at this as progress (still analytical – this work doesn't happen overnight). The emotion moved up. It's closer to out than it's ever been. Maybe I should show myself some grace".
Novel concept, Xania. Be patient with yourself.
By session four, something released. Sessions five and six were some of the most connecting experiences of my life. I didn't understand everything that was happening – I still don't. And I believe that's the point ...
It was the first thing in a very long time that actually worked because I finally stopped thinking.
My mind learned it's not always invited to the party.
Starting to remember.
One of my fellow facilitators eloquently put it, "I'm a marshmallow now".
Me? I'm more grounded and softer than I've ever let myself be. I feel more aligned and at peace with myself than I've ever been and purpose-driven in all that I do. I'm still in the corporate world. This practice was built alongside it, not instead of it.
The common thread I'm unstitching through my life is that I no longer feel the need to prove my worth. I don't over-deliver to justify my place or value. I don't push through when my body is asking me to stop.
I move with more intention and self-awareness, and compassion for myself and the people around me. The right shoulder no longer carries that tension. But I move through it differently, now. With curiosity instead of control.
Vulnerability used to feel like weakness. Now, it's the bravest thing I do. Through shared vulnerability – mine and yours – something opens up. You realize you're not the only one.
I'm not who I was. And I'm not finished becoming who I am.
I'm just finally starting to remember. And that's who I am.
Somatic work, not therapy.
Stillwater State isn't a therapy practice; it's a dedicated somatic space. This is really important stuff so my quirky sense of humour is going to be straightforward because I do take what I do very seriously.
I'm a breathwork facilitator specializing in Conscious Connected Breathing and nervous system support for clients here in Toronto, across the GTA, and online. To be absolutely clear about my scope: I'm not a psychotherapist, a physician or a registered mental health professional. I don't diagnose, treat or interpret your experience for you. My role is to act as a grounded guide for your experience.
Here's how I look at it. I have a health team: I see my dentist, doctor, therapist, and alongside is my personal somatic hygiene: breathwork, dance, sound, meditation. Building a regular cadence with someone who supports my nervous system makes sense.
My approach in the room is clear and structured – you'll always know what to expect. My background includes a Conscious Connected Breathwork certification, Mental Health First Aid, active trauma-informed coursework through Wilfrid Laurier University and a 200-hour yoga teacher training. That education started as a way to understand myself better personally, and as a leader. The curiosity deepened the further I walked the breathwork path. Every session is grounded, intentional and held with care.
Breathwork doesn't require you to be in therapy.
However, if you're already working with a therapist, I'll simply ask that you share it with them. Having someone in your corner who understands the weight you carry changes the entire landscape. And if you're looking for clinical support to sit alongside this practice, I'm always happy to point you to professionals in my network.
You don't need to have the language to explain what you're carrying. Your analytical mind has been running the project for a very long time.
For this hour, it gets to sit out.
Conscious connected breathwork lets your body take the lead. It's a dedicated, judgment-free space to feel, without needing to explain your experience to anyone.
Maybe what you need is somewhere safe enough to put the armour down and let your body show you what it already knows.
It's your time. I'm here to guide.
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THE SOMATIC BRIEFING
One monthly note on nervous system regulation, high-performance stress and the mechanics of breathwork. No fluff.